


Town Economy

by theapplekeeper (Deunan)



Series: Writerverse [6]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: D&D humor, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format, coming to a campaign near you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 04:57:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4422233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deunan/pseuds/theapplekeeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which there is no public outcry for youth-targeted deaths, Henrietta isn't (exactly) the distressed damsel, and the Adventurer is so not a Hero. Crack!Fic.</p><p>(or: enter the Adventurer, stage right)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Town Economy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LJ comm Writerverse and their Challenge #31: Weekly Quick Fic #12 (word prompt: Checkmate; bonus for script/screenplay format). 
> 
> Originally posted to LJ: February 2015.

**Adventurer:** You-- You’re Henrietta DeTamble. The girl that’s been kidnapped!

 **Henrietta:** Well, kidnapped has such ugly connotations and I’d rather it not be associated with my name. I’m down here; researching. Involuntarily. Mostly.

 **Adventurer:** Yes, exactly and I’ve come to sav- Wait. Mostly?

 **Henrietta:** Well, it’s just- the only study on the Greater Gelatinous Cube is combat oriented. There’s speculation on why its habitat is the waste filled undercroft of major cities, but they all boil down to a flushed away dessert reject and evil spirits. Evil spirits. I don’t-- I don’t even know what to do with that. Only it’s ‘mostly’ because I didn’t intend to get dragged down to the sewers. Who does, right? I was just trying to keep the Mayor from pitchfork-and-torching the only stable business Twelve-Spot District has.

 **Adventurer:** You mean it’s known for something?

 **Henrietta:** Yeah. Last waypoint to the Level Eight, Five Star Dungeon. The Inn’s secure, the foods decent, and the Apothecary is the only one in a ten-day travel. That it just happens to be the breeding ground for the Greater Gelatinous Cube is something you might be concerned about. That’s true. But, and let’s be honest here, it does great things for the economy.

 **Adventurer:** But it’s killing people.

 **Henrietta:** Adventurers. It’s killing adventurers. Green ones at that. Look, the idiots the Mayor sends down here were going to get killed anyway. They were way over their head. They always are. Barely know what end of a sword to hold, let alone know their way around a fireball spell. That, and they’ve refused to pay their tab, didn’t tip the serving staff, and/or tried to charm his wife into bed. Honestly, he doesn’t look like much but that man has an amazing modifier in charisma. He’s got the moves. I suspect sorcery. Hers.

 **Adventurer:** Eh. Ah. I mean.

 **Henrietta:** I’m going to take that awkward stuttering to mean you did one or all three of the above.

 **Adventurer:** Well, it’s just.

 **Henrietta:** I see.

 **Adventurer:** Wh-- what was that? What was that noise?

 **Henrietta:** Quick. Do you know what a fireball is?

 **Adventurer:** Of course I do!

 **Henrietta:** Can you cast one?

 **Adventurer:** No.

 **Henrietta:** You Idiot.

 **Adventurer:** Aayyeeee-!

 **Henrietta:** Well. That’s that I suppose.

 **Greater Gelatinous Cube:** Oooh, oh. Could you. Could you just-- to the left. Down. Ahhh. Yes. Yesyes. That’s it. I hate the round metal bits. Why do they always carry so much of it?

 **Henrietta:** I suppose they think it absolutely vital.

 **Greater Gelatinous Cube:** Humph.


End file.
